Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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