I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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