i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
