If that was your dad, he is hot
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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