Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
