she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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