I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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