If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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