Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
