My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
