Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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