Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
