Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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