Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
