So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
