You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
