you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
