my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the day after is always just damage control
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
