Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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