I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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