Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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