we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
