I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
