allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
