I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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