I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
