Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
