The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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