If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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