I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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