oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
