Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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