I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
