so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
