i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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