Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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