I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
