My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
