I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
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Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.