I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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