please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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