What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
