Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
