Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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