a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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