you would pick up someone in the library
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
