I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just want to make out with him forever
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
