so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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