he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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