It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
