In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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