why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
