he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
