if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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