He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
