I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
