I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
