Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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