I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
