What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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