Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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