I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
